all fall down

 i came to write a blog, and did not remember i had already written one. 

every entry still feels as true as it did when i wrote it. 

i know so much more, but i have even more questions. 

i am still tired in my bones. 

i still feel worthless. 

i believe i am too much. 

i have fewer moments with my kids. fewer moments to keep me alive. but i cannot expose them to this. i must get better.  

i am fucked up because my parents did not realize the same. 

the cycle will not be repeated.  

my parts dance around, waiting to be let out. 

a dysfunctional game of ring around the rosie. 

but folklore describes it as a dark game about death.

holding hands, they chant and fight and eventually all fall down.